I climb a mountain
Walking steadily leaving life behind.
Away from the frantic high street,
away from the kids, the house.
No computer, no work,
no signal.
I breathe the cool, clear air.
I feel the stillness.
I look down and the world stretches in front of me,
my dog and I are happily alone.
The exertion energises and clears my mind,
Every step filling my body with the mountain’s steadiness,
every rock shares its jagged strength.
On the summit I am an eagle ready to fly,
I perch and ponder
fruit cake and cheese never tasted so good.

I feel better when I am writing
Sat still, sat poised I write free
This gift of writing is time set aside for me
The pen on the paper, the words just flow
I never know what I’ll be writing or which way I will go
I write out thoughts, feelings and worries, I unravel and unwind
A few brief thoughts on paper, enough to untangle my mind
There are notes on happy days, an idea for a short story or a list of things to plan
It’s always surprising what appears on the page, I write when I can
So stop a while to sit and write,
A calming thing to do,
Remember you write for no-one else
You only write for you

Breaking free

A barbed wire cage of shame imprisons me.
My feathers plucked, jaw cracked, I nurse my sores,
bedraggled, bloodied, gagging to be free.

I feel unclean. Abusers sneer, agree
blame lies with me alone. Support withdraws.
A barbed wire cage of guilt imprisons me.

My fractured wings hang limp. I puke. I pee.
I peck. I squawk. I scratch with sharpened claws,
bedazzled, bloodied, struggling to be free.

Dark deeds denied, dismissed as fantasy,
injustice fuels desire to settle scores.
My barbed wire rage implodes, imprisons me.

Perhaps if this… or that… or they could see
the truth… I bargain, beg, implore just cause,
bedeviled, bloodied, haggling to be free.

I pause… forgive, reclaim autonomy.
I rise on eagles’ wings, my spirit soars
as barbed wire softens, shrinks, releases me.
No grudge or shame, acceptance sets me free.

I feel better when…

I smell new books, a bonfire, fennel tea;
I hear winds whisper, whistle, murmur, swirl;
I stroke a conch shell, polished ebony;
I see a rosebud ready to unfurl;

I knit a trauma teddy, twiddle-muff;
I play my oboe, scrape its pesky reeds;
I write a sonnet, therapeutic stuff;
I feed my garden robin sunflower seeds;

I find my voice, you empathise with me;
I lose my fear, fight stigma, shun taboo;
we share ideas, campaign for dignity;
you love me for myself, not what I do.

Now still, I know the truth of Abraham,
the everlasting arms. I AM: I am.

Out of the Blue

I lay back on the grass
Ponder the past
Tortuous pain
Won’t let the blue mood last

Because from out of the blue
An incredible view
Where the clouds become cliffs
The sky an ocean of blue

And I dream

I dream of holidays
Warm soothing seas
My imaginary place
To escape reality

Colour the mood to a different hue
Cast off the pain
Dive out into the blue
Savour the moment and live again

Come on out of the blue to
An incredible view
Where the clouds become cliffs
The sky an ocean of blue

I feel better when……..
I close my eyes and listen
Absorb each sound I hear
The serenity of nature
My mind begins to clear

The distant hum absorbs me
Entwines me in its peace
The present feels a better place
I feel a slow release

Each creak, each tick, each rustle
Is a magnet to my mind
I listen with a purpose
Distractions left behind

I hear my breath and heart beat
The rhythm of my soul
My body is my temple
And my mind regains control

Mindfulness by Helen Washington

Congratulations Helen!

Mindfulness was chosen for the composition part of the College Music Project
Click here to find out more

Smile

I feel better when I see the sun shine in the morning
Cat purring in my ear; dog yawning lazily from a night curled up on the floor
Birds singing loudly perched within the trees
And the traffic outside is quiet as the day for me begins

I smile when the flowers are blooming bright and bold and proud
Dewdrops glistening balancing on leaves
Spiders spinning webs galore, rainbows high above the sky
Butterflies flying, bees buzzing and birds dancing along washing lines

My dog running across the fields on a sunny day makes me smile
Tongue wagging out the side, eyes so wide
Looks like she is laughing as she runs head held high
Leaping across the swaying bushes, tail towards the sky

My granddaughter balancing on her toes trying to reach me
The grin on her face as she greets me
Clapping her hands, singing and dancing
Laughing and giggling, that always makes me smile

So when my heart is heavy and I start to feel down
I think of these things to turn it around
I close my eyes and visualise and
then I feel much better; then my heart begins to smile.

Autumn is a time of many shades
Unending colours of myriads of leaves
Tiny insects find their nests under and between the clusters
Up until the spring appears no knowledge of life will emerge
Merging into the colours of the next years new chapter of life
Never repeating the formation of years before

Autumn comes but once a year
Under trees new homes appear
Trees are losing all their leaves
Up above an empty nest
Magpie cottage looks its best
Now you’ll wear your winter vest!

Autumn time now.
Urban pathways littered with leaves
The colours are gorgeous
Umbrellas for chilly rain shower
Misty garden, early rising
Nature shows its beauty to all

Songbirds are singing, snow is melting and swallows are nesting
Primroses and Robins and butterfly’s and pansies
Rivers rushing with melted winter snow and rabbits playing.
Icicles melting in the frozen snow
Narcissi, newts and new shoots.
Green grass on hills surrounding babbling brooks and daffodils
Trees, tadpoles and tulips.
Iris flowers around the streams I am lucky to stand here in the midst of them
Marigolds with bright golden heads and mistletoe for wishing, with frost on melting.
Evergreen and the smell of earth as the sun warms the winter crust, every sound and whisper is heard across the countryside fluttering in the new breezes

Mother nature and her four daughters
Spring, summer, autumn and winter.
Autumn, she sprinkles her colours of red, yellow and brown
And says goodbye to summer
Autumns sweeping brown bears promises of beauty
Under a waning sunlight fast disappearing
She softly patterns falling leaves with her dainty feet
And whispers tales of love to friendly wind
Who has started to whistle and blow
Her mother slowly guides her through natures fields of green and gold
As the urban fox runs and plays with falling leaves, too weak to run and hide
Autumn laughs and waves goodbye to summer

Cherish it always
Don’t worry
Happy days are also around the corner
Keep the faith
It works for me
And will for you

Would you like to touch this magic tree?
It’ll make you feel better.
It’ll take all your worries away,
They’ll never be another grey,
Day full of foreboding, cloudy thoughts,
Fraught, frazzled, scattered brain,
It’ll take away all the pain,
You’ve ever felt,
Stroke it’s leaves and you will melt,
Into a pool of pure, peaceful, radiant bliss,
You’ll forget that haunting last kiss,
That long lost lover you miss.
No more having to put up with all this,
Stress, mess, money less, something to confess,
Tired, lonely, moany, if only, and yes one day,
One day, I’ll be ok.
This tree can take all that away.
But my friend it comes at a cost,
For something you gain, there’s something you’ve lost.
You’ll lose all the backbone that made you strong,
Each vertebrae of lessons learnt, mistakes made and epic failure.
You’ll lose all your memories, the good and the bad.
For your worst moments, sometimes you’re glad.
The cringe, the cry, the heartbreak and the grief,
All make up the pattern of your strongest belief.
That things will get better, that there’s more life to be had.
And that, my friend, can never be bad.
So take this tree, and water its roots.
For beneath the surface is really the fruit,
Your morals, your passion, your life’s ambition,
Water the roots, and your dreams will come to fruition.

The pathos of these dolce, ethereal flute notes – enchant me, as too the artistry in my paintings, unattainable prior to the onset of my Furies; Pure, absorbed, all concaving concentration consumes Even amalgamates within my veins… Symbiotically returning me into that all solutionary, Angelic elusive Heaven. Yet the alien extrinsic pressures and irritants of the Underworld, penetrate by means of ambush into my sweet celestial happiness: How do you feel about a Section, Sylvia? The familiar Wards, Sections, Sagas and tablet-time Is my hair manifesting into Medusa’s serpents? Who’s Hades, if I am Persephone? Hypnotism. I revolt, I crumble, I die – Fie! And I hate you with all my anger! That September, I had gorged all the wild berries, Mushrooms and succulent chartreuse leaves. I left my fighting spirit in the Asylum Many years ago, as a child did in another time.

Watching her sleeping,
her little chest rising and falling,
eyelids fluttering,
lips softly parted.

Her hands are delicately cupped,
comfortably beneath her chin,
her knees slightly bent.
I’m wondering what she’s dreaming.

Hoping she’s playing with the fairies,
in a meadow full of flowers.
That the sun is shining
and the birds are singing.

She wriggles her toes
as the alarm clock goes.
I feel better when she opens her eyes,
for I’ve missed her as she’s slept.

“Hello Mummy,
I’ve been dreaming about fairies”
she murmurs,
as she stretches, and yawns.

Well, I must be feeling better
for I feel better when
I awaken in the morning
and can face the world again

Well, I must be feeling better
for I feel better when-I know
I no longer have to dwell
In that dark place that I go

Well, I am feeling better
for I felt better when
I’d bathed and dressed and met the day
and became myself again

Well, I do feel better
better than I ever felt before
my demons are just memories
I will visit them no more.

I feel better when I am drinking a cup of tea,
Warm, comforting, hugging me

I feel better when I am reading a good book,
Escaping, imagining, I am totally hooked

I feel better when I am talking to my Mum,
Though you are no longer here, your words of wisdom come

I feel better when I am walking the dog,
Listening to nature’s monologue

I feel better when I am watching comedy,
Laughing so hard I cry tears joyously

I feel better when listening to my children play,
Laughing, crying and shouting, ‘hey’

I feel better when I’ve had a good sleep,
And not spent all night counting sheep

I feel better when a loved one touches me,
Then offers me a cup of tea.

I step outside my front door where I put on my invisible masks.
A daughter, sister, wife and mother; friend, colleague and a neighbour
A mask I wear for each one.
My masks overlap and shift as the day wears on
From person to person, moment to moment.
I am lost and wonder, who is me?
I step inside my front door; some of the masks melt away,
Self-imposed labels dictated by society when all I want is to be me.
I step into my bathroom as day becomes night,
I wash away my make-up; my one visible mask
And finally I feel better for now I am me.

Take the ‘m’ off mother
let it fall to the ground
shriveled shrunken
two hillocks
guard the fortress of other
yours and mine

replace the ‘m’ in mother with a ‘b’
Too much trouble?
wipe it off your palms
pale and powdered
like chalk dropped in the nursery
Where other belongs

Not lonely

but alone
in my own space
I find my place
in this world

psyche recycles
at my own pace
brings me peace
in the here and now

no high or low
mood swings
time to make
my own

mind up
about things
play guitar
or sing

No one knocking
upon the door
wanting more
than I can give

no need to try
to figure out
just what the hell
they’re all about

No projections
no fierce tempers
no need to be upfront
or behind fences

Stillness, quiet
no riot in my head
no not emerging
from my bed

no weight of lead
or yakketty voices
no pressure
to make the best

consumer choices
or buy the latest
technological marvel
I find my marbles

when I’m
not lonely

but alone

I feel I am the only one in my family to be so excited to be going to the beach,
Swimming costume on ready to save time,
At last travelling down the single farm track lane,
Gates to open on the way slowing the journey,
Sitting high up as I can to be the first to see the sea,
Starting to smell the salty air,
Parking the car in our usual spot,
I run down onto the clean golden sand undressing on the way,
Cannot wait for the cold crashing waves to engulf me,
Mum and dad watching me from afar,
From the comfort of their striped deckchairs,
My brother stays in the car,
Swimming takes my breath away,
But I continue to hum my favorite tune,
Mum and dad wave back at me whenever I look back,
My brother still cannot be pursuaded to come out of the car,
How I wish my dad was in the water with me,
To hold me up over the strong swirling waves
My brother still staying in the car,
Out of the sea for a picnic using hands all white and wrinkley
The sandwiches seem to taste so much better with sand,
My brother takes a few sandwiches and retreats back into the car,
In his own metal shell.

Knowing the despair, the darkness, the loneliness
That seeps through my mind and darkens my thoughts
Will not last forever
Those clouds will make way for sunshine and song
Those shadows will fade and the light will return
And knowing I can put my arms round a friend
And promise them too from the bottom of my heart
That each day can be different and their light will return
That’s what makes me feel better

I feel better when I am singing,
Letting out all the trapped emotion;
Words come easier in song.
A release for one who is locked in,
Who cannot express easily.

I feel better when I am hopeful,
When I’ve found my fighting spirit.
Taking action to help myself,
Trying as best to set myself free,
From the tortures within my head.

I feel better when I’m ‘held’ with words.
In a safe place, my second home.
Kindness and guidance to nurture and challenge;
Getting in touch with the real me,
And seeing myself reflected in her.

I feel better when I like me
I will not be stigmatised or tainted
I am tough, resilient and strong
I deserve to be happy and supported
I will not be stigmatised or tainted

I feel better when I take control
My destiny is not predetermined
I work hard and forgive myself
Life can be managed and mastered
My destiny is not predetermined

I feel better when I realise I’m not a bad person
Life is worth living
I share my thoughts and people listen
There is no judgement or condemnation
Life is worth living

I feel better when I’m not alone
I am loved and worthy
My children chatter, my husband laughs
There is comfort and understanding
I am loved and worthy

I feel better when I like me
I will not be stigmatised or tainted
My destiny is not predetermined
Life is worth living
I am loved and worthy

I realise I love me

And Then The Sun

I watch and I wait
Contemplate,Twisted thoughts
irritate.

But it will pass,
It will pass.

Passing night,
Long long hours,
Midnight fright,
Forbidding towers.

But it will pass,
It will pass.

Pace the floor can’t relax,
Music on to drown the noise of
Twisted facts.

And it will pass,
It will pass.

And then the sun,
And then the sun.

And then the sun comes crashing
Through the shuttered glass,
Illuminates my morning mind,
Extinguishes my mourning mind.

And the sun casts away the long dark shadows,
The sky,
eternal possibility and
flowering meadows.

And we can be all we desire.

I Feel Better When I Am ….

1) Remembering:

• a) The Happy Times
  b) Not To Repeat My Errors
  c) What Could Be
  d) Patience Is A Virtue
  e) Tomorrow Is Another Day

2) Listening to music

3) Realising there are ‘Innocent’ people worse off than me

4) Helping others to manage/get by, Economize: Pointing out No 3:

I feel better when I cry
Why?
Is it a pleasure to mewl?
Tears of joy or tears of pain
The cause different, effect the same
To sob, blubber, bawl and wail
Release the tension, let it out
Shed some tears, whimper and weep
The issue remains
But now I can sleep

I open new doors

when I write new poems,

through new words

find new worlds,

take off the sack of burden.

New verse, like a universe,

a new lyric eases the mind.

When I read it out

I feel lightened,

no reason, no rhyme.

No big word blues

or how to spell them.

Pen fills paper with feeling

Injustice turns to justice,

rejection to acceptance.

My heart becomes the court

and I decide the sentence.

The power of words

sharper than swords

My misery grinded

on the blade of a poem.

As a drowning man grasping for light and air
You grapple with the inky blackness
Before bursting into the azure blue
Like a rocket rushing upwards
Then twirling gently down as a Catherine wheel
Until you reach your true level
As a bright flower
On the surface of the still green water

The Best Journey

In the early hours of New Year’s day, rain drones
mood not much different from the yesterday’s gloam
until I think about journeys: a sense of welcome
in City Lights Bookstore, unexpected comfort in a hotel room,
a cafe playing “A Sunday Kind of Love”, where the gloom
lifts. Home to frost on the car jewelling in the sun, freedom
to travel and discover more places with welcome.
Even so, the best journey from anywhere is home.

In these troubled times,
more often than not
I find
that I am happiest whilst running.

And it makes me feel a little sad,
because it’s a lonely thing to do.
But the grins at the dinner parties
and the mugs in the pubs
only make me nervous.
So I lace up my jogging shoes
and choose music on my faithful cheap, knackered and battered mp3.
And at the moment it’s the drinkers, the sluggers, the fighters,
who are singing to me.
Old poets who have been there
and then come back.
I seem to need to know their stories.
And as I bounce beside the river,
it’s like a score, a fantastic soundtrack,
as the music moves with my world.

A cracked voice falters,
Gently unfurls,
Sighs down the chords,
Two gulls dip to the water,
Then soar,
Away, away and high.
And it’s beautiful.
I wonder
Did God have music in mind
When he taught them
How to fly?

And other such thoughts as I pant heavily by
and stop and rewind
a verse that I love,
and listen again,
and watch the stillness of the heron,
the steel backed black moorhen.

And I’m happy.

I need this journey.
Especially the halfway point,
where,
heart pounding,
I stop,
bend,
breath,
slowly turn upon my tracks
and with legs aching, chest heaving,
I follow the flow of the river home,
and I know
that I have been there,
and that I can make it back.

I feel better when I’m with my dude he gets so excited when I enter the room, so much it’s like he hasn’t seen me for a month or two.

Whether I’m happy or sad he doesn’t question my feelings, he just welcomes me with such love it’s healing.

He doesn’t change his mood like people can do, he shows me all the love I need which helps me through.

He greets me with his big brown eyes whilst wagging his tale for a little while.

He squeaks and wiggles his nose like a pig, as he runs through the field after his ball or a twig.

He loves his walks and sleeps in the night, he spreads his love full which is full of delight.

From morning to night he never judges me, he is so Loyal it overwhelms me.

I feel better just knowing that he is there, to welcome and love me whatever through joy and despair.

He motivates me when I’m feeling low, with his wagging tail…… “Come on mum lets go”!

I feel better when I’m with my bud, Riley my best friend my loyal non-judgmental dog.

There was once a tree in a big forest, with lots of other trees.

This tree felt low, sad and very lonely.

This tree didn’t grow like other trees or bloom in the Summer or shed leaves in the Autumn.

This tree was very depressed.

Until one day someone took notice of this tree, took the time to spend time with this tree and understood this tree.

Until one day this tree bloomed in the Summer and shed its leaves in the Autumn.

All this tree needed was someone to support this tree.

Many years later this tree that was once a very low, very sad and very lonely tree was now the tallest, healthiest tree of all!

What is the point? Can anyone tell me, does anyone know?
Time’s in reverse, just go with the flow.
With the sun and the moon aloft in the sky,
The reaper can’t land, so off he must fly.
When attacking the weak, the strong think they are brave
While the Watcher awaits, on top of a grave.
The time is a’coming, the Cloud Master will rise
“But who will oppose the Dream Witch,” he sighs.

When nightmares turn real, and dreams are forsaken
You knock on the door, hoping to waken.

When the mind is so pushed that the barriers stretch,
The unreal becomes real, then darkness falls.
The mind is so fragile and easily snapped.
So what does it take to pull back from the brink?

As winds blow on over; the lands howl out their song,
Deaf ears are hearing that everything’s wrong.
The stars are ablaze, their fire so intense,
The moon is so cold, your mind makes no sense.
If people could see the damage they do,
The dead would sing, that much is true.

For when you are dead, they’ll see it’s too late.
The edge was too close, but that was your fate.
They pushed too hard, and over you went.
Just one last prayer bursts forth from your lips.
But the Dream Witch is here, with her hands on her hips.

I hate to love the laughter in your eyes,
Because it makes me feel again.
I hate to love the sound of your voice,
Because it makes me see again.

I hate to love the way your hair hangs in your face,
Because I long to finally express myself.
Most of all I hate to love you because it’s in these moments of love,
I realize I have hidden away and stood still,
whilst the world moves on.

Perhaps it’s time for me to open up and begin my journey,
Again

When it is calm like water,
When all you can hear are the waves from the ocean,
Above the birds are chirping,
And the wind blowing across making the leaves on the tree rattle.

I feel better when I am free like a bird,
High above all, and there is no scared to fall,
I feel better when I am at home,
Surrounded by family, whom I love of all.

Challenges I have to face, making sure that I win the race,
Many are in the same boat, but there is only one from all to choose,
Selected are those who have passion, and show determination,
Proud, I was to be selected from those.

I feel better when I am myself, and not pretending,
I feel better when I am accepted for who I am,
I feel better when life brings new challenges and opportunities,
And I feel better when I am someone who is known.

Life is like seasons, which change over time,
With each passing day, I feel myself grow,
Opportunity came my way, and I would be a fool to turn it away,
Today where I stand I call my second home,
This is the place which will give me my identity, and a future to secure,
I feel better when I am at work, and LPT is where I belong.