I bought flowers for myself today.
Red tulips, they were on sale.
Flowers for the sad girl with the sad eyes
that stare out at me from the mirror
I catch her following me in the reflection of car windows.
She mimics everything I do
but she couldn’t be more different.
I silence her at night when she whispers in my ear:
This isn’t you, this isn’t us.
And I tell her she has no idea who I am anymore.
No one does.
I tell her it’s a good thing,
the world is too harsh for people like us,
ones who feel too much,
ones who don’t feel enough.
There is no space for her,
no time for her sadness,
the world is too harsh for people like us.
So I bought flowers for myself today,
yellow sunflowers, like the ones I’d grow with my dad.
Flowers for the sad girl with the sad eyes
and I choose to be happy today,
I choose to smile at the girl that’s always watching me,
and since she mimics everything I do
she smiles back.
And today, I am okay.
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