Where have I been these years just past?

Where has my soul resided?

In nowhere land,

on nowhere shore

In nightmare days collided

The birds no longer seemed to sing,

The living earth suspended.

I’ve journeyed through quicksand and fog, with trusting arms extended.

Can it be true,

do eyes deceive,

Is there light amid the darkness?

Coming closer day by day

Showing signs of progress.

And birdsong,

music to my ears as life springs forth from dull brown earth,

exploding into rich full bloom.. does quieten slowly all my fears.

Sunshine on my skin, nourished and warm

Feeling the grass tickle my toes

And the low hum of summer in the background

Body and mind rested, the moment enough

Feeling the grass tickle my toes

A smile creeping across my face

Body and mind rested, the moment enough

Just being here

A smile creeping across my face I get up and dance

Just being here

The excitement of life fizzing through I get up and dance

And the low hum of summer in the background

The excitement of life fizzing through

Sunshine on my skin, nourished and warm

I see your smile and it lifts my heart to a place I had forgotten.

That carries me through. It is enough

To know that your smile is still inside you.

It may be dormant, Possibly drowning, But still a part of you that I thought had been lost.

I see your spark and it connects with me deep inside.

When I feel your love

And you accept mine

Then anything is possible.

So don’t give up, Never give in.

We will do this together because you are my child and I will always love you.

I feel better when I’m with you.

You’re sort of mean when you’re tired

And the later it gets, the more annoying I get.

If you could, you’d play video games all day

And I’d watch the same news on repeat.

You like the music stuff with real instruments

And I’m partial to the stuff I made up dance routines to the other year.

But still, I feel better when I’m with you.

Your long legs twisted with my short ones

Under a mountain of blankets, in our bed.

You letting me recite Clueless along with the TV,

Before I submit to films that you’d kill me for naming.

Hours lapping up obscure Eastern European pop from my childhood,

Followed by more of me devouring country music you discovered.

Because I feel better when I’m with you.

Our issues make us broken, individually

But whole, together.

All I know is, we don’t save each other,

But we make it easier to save ourselves.

I feel better when I’m with you.

The breeze Good health, surrounding and comforting. Nurturing and encompassing, like the summer breeze blowing through the meadow grass. Hang on to the breeze, keep it in the meadow. Respect it and cherish it, Refuse to let it go. Keep the fresh breeze blowing, refreshing your health. let it go, only when it’s time. If you let your health go it will run off into the city. Into the fumes, into the congestion. Choking, suffocating blowing through the gutters. Blowing less and blowing weaker All blown out. Take control of your health, Keep it blowing in the meadow.

I feel better when I tell jokes

I feel better when I turn up to either work or college

I feel better when I’m not broke

I feel better when I extremely give better knowledge

I feel better when I make friends

I feel better when I’m so full of luck

I feel better when nothing ends although (when it does) no one gives a (bleep)

I feel better when I participate

I feel better when I give communication

I feel better when I anticipate in everything for my situation

I feel better when I get rich

I feel better when I have a whole load of money But what’s worse is that life’s a (bleep) and (when I run out of cash) it’s so not funny

I feel better when I am with my daughter and Fiancé Lewis and I feel much better when I not sad or upset

I feel happy when I see my puppy poppy and my dog Otis

I feel better when I am with my friends because we go out to town to go shopping

I feel better when me and my daughter do loads of puzzles at home and read her stories

I feel better when I play my Playstation.

I feel better I’m watching a movie.

I feel better when I listen to music.

I feel better going to football.

My place

Its a view that could swallow you, in a place where country fields are draped in patchwork squares.

Into a quilt of green and scorched brown earth.

Where the blue sky is flecked brown with starlings that dance in circles and shadows.

Where Cotton ball clouds lie fat and proud beneath me.

Where I can look down on a Lilliput town, smaller than it seemed before.

I can see the roads and fields I have walked across to finally stand tall again.

I am always alone here

Making daisy chains from buttercups. not a person can be found.

Not a car or a house

Or a light or trace

Of a sound

Could search me out.

Where the hill tops meet the sky and carry me high at my place.

You think of me when something’s good–

you phone to share delight

and you think me of when something’s hard

knowing that in the sharing you might

find you feel better.

I feel better when you’re near me.

I feel better when I know

that you are travelling towards me,

soon I’ll hear you say hello.

The hug that holds me close.

The touch of your cheek against mine.

The knowing that you know

all those little things about me

and still you think I’m fine.

The little things about you.

The smile that I return

not because I do not want it

but in giving I have learned

there is receiving.

I feel better when you’re near me.

I feel better when I know

that you are travelling towards me,

soon I’ll hear you say hello.

I value you my friend

through the good times and the hard.

You regale me with your knowledge

and your music and your laugh

and I would not be without you.

No, I would not be without you.

I feel better when I’m eating any food.

I feel better when I’m playing my Xbox with my friends.

I feel better when I’m at my girlfriends.

I feel better when I’m drinking any alcohol.

I feel better when I’m jumping into rivers and lakes of high bridges.

I feel better when I’m exploring abandoned and derricked buildings.

l feel better when I’m out with my friends on my bike l feel better when I’m spending money on stuff I don’t need

l feel better when I’m fishing

She recognised the signs

Quiet, slight agitation

Wanting to be alone

She wanted me to open up

Her plan of action

Was to take me

For a drive

A drive away from home

A drive to destination unknown

A drive where she drove

A drive where I talked

She questioned, she quizzed

She clarified and probed

I provided the details

She poised over minor details

Until we both agreed a plan

She smiled

I half smiled

She made me open up

She made me speak up

She eased away my anxiety

Until the symptoms came around the next time

A lifetime’s clutter In a house

That he could barely move in

Represented who he is now

Everything has a purpose

Everything has a use

You never know when it may come in use

He would say

Until one day

Help came to clear it up

Removed his clutter

Into skips

To make it manageable

To make it a no fire risk

To make it like a home again

To make it safe

To enable him to walk safely without a fall

To enable him to take one item of everything rather than 3

To enable him to take control

To enable him make decisions in his best interests

To make him feel alive again

As I stand here in awe at the beauty I see

I feel and listen to all that surrounds me

The rolling waves, the pull of the sea the wet sand in my toes fills me with glee

The distant clouds, the rocks far away the wind in my hair on a summers day

I stand here and wander deep in thought

I feel the happiness in my heart I want to run, kick and splash along with the waves that rollingly crash

The bubbles the white foam I race among the birds up above singing their song but I stand still deep in thought feeling the sun on my skin making me hot

I’m happy, I’m free to love all that I see for I am here, and here’s where I’m meant to be deep in thought in this moment of time grateful for the simple things, the hot sunshine, the wind in my hair, the vision I see Is nature’s untouched beauty

I look at the clouds fluffy and light

I curl up my toes in the sand real tight

The swishing and swirling in between my toes the salty spray goes up my nose I stand I wonder how many fish the birds have caught?

There are said to be 84,000 parts of the Buddha in the world.

But he is not in pieces.

I am filled with truth and lies, but I am not afraid of delusion.

I am not blind.

My mind awakens.

My atoms vibrate and break their bonds, but I am whole.

Like the Buddha I am Mindful of my senses.

They are a compass on which my ship sails.

My thoughts wander, but I feel better when I’m aware.

There are many forms to take, many hats to wear, many roads to travel.

But I am always me, I am not a fraud, I am forever here.

I look forward not backward.

I am filled with a sense of wellbeing.

I am human, imperfect, and Like the Buddha, I shall become a a piece of everything—the light.

She invited me Inside her head

To a world she had created

To a world Where she was in control

To a world Where she was not a lost soul

To a world Where she was not an outcast

To a world Where she was not unloved

She gave me permission to explore

To touch, to feel, to smell

She protected herself Against rejection Against crushing disappointment

She stepped into her fear

She stepped into her discomfort

She painted it with colours of her choice

She brightened up her dull world.

I had cultivated a place for myself

By moving away from others

By moving away from the noise

It was my heaven on earth

I was learning

I was beginning to learn

To switch off

To disassociate myself

From people who harmed

From people who are fake friends

From people who do not care

Instead I found my own oasis

A place that is mine

A place that I am willing to share with others

I have stamped my imprint

All over it

To enable me

To find quiet

In a world

Full of noise

I need quiet

To think, to reflect

To grow

I feel better when …

The trust of the human spirit Fills me with hope

A natural bond of free flung strength Frees me and makes me float …

I get a natural smile To guide me in the rush. I really hope there’s someone there who ll bring me natural blush …

my thoughts and actions come, unite and blend to give a soothing warming touch and feel to those I see as friends …

I can laugh and giggle With like-minded folk With innocence and Inner sense to further Guide our hope.

Summer ’16 floating by, whilst looking through my child’s eye, I’m dreaming.

Backwards roads won’t bruise my soul, an angel looks over as she grows, her beauty shows, it’s gleaming.

When these people don’t deserve her time, and waste her life without a sign, of changing – I will show you what it is to rise.

For every time you look my way, I hear your voice to plead escape, It will always hold that secret place, I’ll keep you safe – believe me.

For I do not need to shout and scream my love, to make you feel like I’m the only one, that sees you – silently I will wait my turn, in karma I trust that these lights will guide you home, so brightly.

Don’t rub those little tired eyes, as the dust will fall and path your cries, with blossom of a spring to come, a warmth of summers yet begun.

I feel better when I create.

Using my imagination makes me feel great!

A place with no limits and no constraints.

Playing around in transcendental state.

Excitement quells as these sparks emerge!

This overwhelming electric surge.

Connecting with my higher energy.

Igniting my natural synergy.

Then I see this symbol of love.

Slowly floating down from above.

A sign that plans are coming together.

A pure and silky bright white feather.

My heart whispers quietly and I carefully listen.

As I co-create this spectacular vision.

Trusting my instincts and my intuition.

Accessing the archives of ancient wisdom.

I feel better when I’m being true.

When I go within I see a new view.

Exploring my imagination makes me feel great.

As I always feel better when I just create.

I Am At My Best When, Writing Stories, Songs And Poems, I ignite with inspiration, from a tiny ember my feelings grow

And yet, the asbestos world I inhabit does not always encourage my thoughts, My ideas, Nor my need for love or acceptance,

Once when I was surrounded by those whom I felt loved by, my desires were made to flourish like wildfire,

Now, though I am still inspired, It is harder to burn through other peoples defences and seek acceptance, For what I am, and yet with self determination and encouragement,

No substance is inflammable To the ongoing flames of success

I Am At My Best When, I Can Express My Literary Creativity With Encouragement From Those Whom Inspire Me

We wanted our genius to last, to continue even if only within us,

For imagination stretches further than despair, and people ignore shouts,

Yet listen to thoughts when they become words,

Sometimes our genius would not speak, It seemed to imitate our inability to communicate with our fellow humans,

So we had to go down routes where rivers of thoughts had dried up,

And were replaced by muddy streams that dulled the future.and sometimes the past,

We remembered how easy our once ideas flowed,

And we yearned to revisit our first path,

For that was what gave us our inspiration,

And made us set out on the path to become what we are,

For we will continue to learn and discover.

Ordered to make ‘something special’

Ordered to make something different

Research led to thinking

Research inflamed her imagination

The design created itself

Fabric bright in colour, light to carry

She places a silky fabric Under the needle of her sewing machine

To create

To craft

The design on paper

To life

She stops momentarily

Her head is busy with creativity

She is eager to bring to life

The creation of fabric to life

To be worn

To adorn a woman who relishes the finer things in life

Prompted by the two words on her initial assessment ‘Likes art’.

I laid out the therapy room With an array of art material

From oil paintings to crayons She entered the room along side me

To explore

She was struggling to communicate

She was having a bad day Where she could not talk

Found it hard to put her thoughts Her emotions into words

Lacked emotional literacy

Until she picked up a paintbrush

Applied it to the canvas To create To craft A world I could see

A world I could now enter With permission

Mend do not break Mend take time to heal Mend live life in slow motion Mend, breathe in fresh air Mend, observe life Mend take time to taste your food Mend empty your head Mend live simple Mend let go of past grievances Mend take each day as a challenge Mend smile Mend accept life Mend strive forward

Read for a purpose Read to decode meaning Read to lead Read to expand your mind Read to enter unknown worlds Read to elicit emotions Read to start your journey with words Read at your own pace Read to show emotion Read to escape from the life Read to reread

Today I have accepted my life That the condition has to be managed not removed I have accepted my life That is ok to be alone I have accepted my life That I need to step outside my comfort zone I have accepted my life Not to over analyse the little things I have accepted my life To smile again I have accepted my life To quickly say sorry and move forward I have accepted That there are areas of my life Where ongoing development is needed.

I heard what she said I liked what she said ‘Embellish your life’ It resonated with me Embellish your life With things that matter With things that you want Leave behind grievances of the past Start new, start fresh Step into a new you Come from a new perspective Find a solution Switch off your mind Breathe Take in your landscape Place on it Your imprint

I wanted to tell my story I wanted to put words to my story I wanted to find pictures to tell my story I wanted to put emotions into the story I wanted to bring characters to life I wanted to shake them all up Allow them to think To allow me to think If someone listens I can write it

We were perfect strangers Who would meet once a week Same time, same place Where I go off loaded my inner thoughts My deep inner fears I am allowed to be vulnerable I am allowed to be a child at times I am allowed to be scared I am allowed to be safe I am allowed to regress into a child Until I could salvage Until I could make sense of xx Until I could make sense of an unkind world I learnt to acknowledge I learnt to hold back I learnt to let go I learnt to be true to myself Until I could walk away Knowing I could revisit Unresolved luggage The next time

I feel better when I am able to… Listen to the voice of reason Rather than the voices in my head. Draw back the curtains to allow the sun to stream in, Instead of dwelling on the darkness within Focus on the filigree of a frosted leaf Instead of picking apart each of my problems. Appreciate the tune of the trees in the wind And ignore the call of cynicism Breathe in the new-mown scent of grass and damp evening rose Walk barefoot on a sandy beach, Rather than tread the stony path of solitude Taste the sea spray on my lips Instead of drowning in my own despair Accept comfort from my friends Rather than twist myself further into barbed isolation. Let you hold my hands and lift me to your heart And I accept that I am loved

I have one chance, but I am living many parts to acquiesce through a single existence. I am many pieces of one society. Many expressions of one face, a million voices, but one imagination. There are many hills, but one mountain, many roads but only one way. Though I walk alone – I am living in one world. To be returned to one grave. I feel better when I am on top of a wave of love, feeling many joys, with only one heart, for one woman. And the river flows through all our veins, the light shines through all our eyes, the music is heard by every ear. I used to be one island, but I am myriad lives, experiencing the same dream. Though I wake and sleep at different times. I feel better when I am one. We are all in disparate pieces, for there are many waters, but one ocean.