Mother Natures Daughter, Autumn

Mother nature and her four daughters
Spring, summer, autumn and winter.
Autumn, she sprinkles her colours of red, yellow and brown
And says goodbye to summer
Autumns sweeping brown bears promises of beauty
Under a waning sunlight fast disappearing
She softly patterns falling leaves with her dainty feet
And whispers tales of love to friendly wind
Who has started to whistle and blow
Her mother slowly guides her through natures fields of green and gold
As the urban fox runs and plays with falling leaves, too weak to run and hide
Autumn laughs and waves goodbye to summer

Feel Better

Would you like to touch this magic tree?
It’ll make you feel better.
It’ll take all your worries away,
They’ll never be another grey,
Day full of foreboding, cloudy thoughts,
Fraught, frazzled, scattered brain,
It’ll take away all the pain,
You’ve ever felt,
Stroke it’s leaves and you will melt,
Into a pool of pure, peaceful, radiant bliss,
You’ll forget that haunting last kiss,
That long lost lover you miss.
No more having to put up with all this,
Stress, mess, money less, something to confess,
Tired, lonely, moany, if only, and yes one day,
One day, I’ll be ok.
This tree can take all that away.
But my friend it comes at a cost,
For something you gain, there’s something you’ve lost.
You’ll lose all the backbone that made you strong,
Each vertebrae of lessons learnt, mistakes made and epic failure.
You’ll lose all your memories, the good and the bad.
For your worst moments, sometimes you’re glad.
The cringe, the cry, the heartbreak and the grief,
All make up the pattern of your strongest belief.
That things will get better, that there’s more life to be had.
And that, my friend, can never be bad.
So take this tree, and water its roots.
For beneath the surface is really the fruit,
Your morals, your passion, your life’s ambition,
Water the roots, and your dreams will come to fruition.

Immortal Madness

The pathos of these dolce, ethereal flute notes – enchant me, as too the artistry in my paintings, unattainable prior to the onset of my Furies; Pure, absorbed, all concaving concentration consumes Even amalgamates within my veins… Symbiotically returning me into that all solutionary, Angelic elusive Heaven. Yet the alien extrinsic pressures and irritants of the Underworld, penetrate by means of ambush into my sweet celestial happiness: How do you feel about a Section, Sylvia? The familiar Wards, Sections, Sagas and tablet-time Is my hair manifesting into Medusa’s serpents? Who’s Hades, if I am Persephone? Hypnotism. I revolt, I crumble, I die – Fie! And I hate you with all my anger! That September, I had gorged all the wild berries, Mushrooms and succulent chartreuse leaves. I left my fighting spirit in the Asylum Many years ago, as a child did in another time.

Watching and Waiting

Watching her sleeping,
her little chest rising and falling,
eyelids fluttering,
lips softly parted.

Her hands are delicately cupped,
comfortably beneath her chin,
her knees slightly bent.
I’m wondering what she’s dreaming.

Hoping she’s playing with the fairies,
in a meadow full of flowers.
That the sun is shining
and the birds are singing.

She wriggles her toes
as the alarm clock goes.
I feel better when she opens her eyes,
for I’ve missed her as she’s slept.

“Hello Mummy,
I’ve been dreaming about fairies”
she murmurs,
as she stretches, and yawns.

 

” I feel better.”

Well, I must be feeling better
for I feel better when
I awaken in the morning
and can face the world again

Well, I must be feeling better
for I feel better when-I know
I no longer have to dwell
In that dark place that I go

Well, I am feeling better
for I felt better when
I’d bathed and dressed and met the day
and became myself again

Well, I do feel better
better than I ever felt before
my demons are just memories
I will visit them no more.

I Feel Better When…

I feel better when I am drinking a cup of tea,
Warm, comforting, hugging me

I feel better when I am reading a good book,
Escaping, imagining, I am totally hooked

I feel better when I am talking to my Mum,
Though you are no longer here, your words of wisdom come

I feel better when I am walking the dog,
Listening to nature’s monologue

I feel better when I am watching comedy,
Laughing so hard I cry tears joyously

I feel better when listening to my children play,
Laughing, crying and shouting, ‘hey’

I feel better when I’ve had a good sleep,
And not spent all night counting sheep

I feel better when a loved one touches me,
Then offers me a cup of tea.

Being Me

I step outside my front door where I put on my invisible masks.
A daughter, sister, wife and mother; friend, colleague and a neighbour
A mask I wear for each one.
My masks overlap and shift as the day wears on
From person to person, moment to moment.
I am lost and wonder, who is me?
I step inside my front door; some of the masks melt away,
Self-imposed labels dictated by society when all I want is to be me.
I step into my bathroom as day becomes night,
I wash away my make-up; my one visible mask
And finally I feel better for now I am me.

Mother

Take the ‘m’ off mother
let it fall to the ground
shriveled shrunken
two hillocks
guard the fortress of other
yours and mine

replace the ‘m’ in mother with a ‘b’
Too much trouble?
wipe it off your palms
pale and powdered
like chalk dropped in the nursery
Where other belongs

In Praise of Solitude

Not lonely

but alone
in my own space
I find my place
in this world

psyche recycles
at my own pace
brings me peace
in the here and now

no high or low
mood swings
time to make
my own

mind up
about things
play guitar
or sing

No one knocking
upon the door
wanting more
than I can give

no need to try
to figure out
just what the hell
they’re all about

No projections
no fierce tempers
no need to be upfront
or behind fences

Stillness, quiet
no riot in my head
no not emerging
from my bed

no weight of lead
or yakketty voices
no pressure
to make the best

consumer choices
or buy the latest
technological marvel
I find my marbles

when I’m
not lonely

but alone

I Feel Better at the Seaside – Fairborne Beach 1967

I feel I am the only one in my family to be so excited to be going to the beach,
Swimming costume on ready to save time,
At last travelling down the single farm track lane,
Gates to open on the way slowing the journey,
Sitting high up as I can to be the first to see the sea,
Starting to smell the salty air,
Parking the car in our usual spot,
I run down onto the clean golden sand undressing on the way,
Cannot wait for the cold crashing waves to engulf me,
Mum and dad watching me from afar,
From the comfort of their striped deckchairs,
My brother stays in the car,
Swimming takes my breath away,
But I continue to hum my favorite tune,
Mum and dad wave back at me whenever I look back,
My brother still cannot be pursuaded to come out of the car,
How I wish my dad was in the water with me,
To hold me up over the strong swirling waves
My brother still staying in the car,
Out of the sea for a picnic using hands all white and wrinkley
The sandwiches seem to taste so much better with sand,
My brother takes a few sandwiches and retreats back into the car,
In his own metal shell.

The Hug

Knowing the despair, the darkness, the loneliness
That seeps through my mind and darkens my thoughts
Will not last forever
Those clouds will make way for sunshine and song
Those shadows will fade and the light will return
And knowing I can put my arms round a friend
And promise them too from the bottom of my heart
That each day can be different and their light will return
That’s what makes me feel better

Helping Myself

I feel better when I am singing,
Letting out all the trapped emotion;
Words come easier in song.
A release for one who is locked in,
Who cannot express easily.

I feel better when I am hopeful,
When I’ve found my fighting spirit.
Taking action to help myself,
Trying as best to set myself free,
From the tortures within my head.

I feel better when I’m ‘held’ with words.
In a safe place, my second home.
Kindness and guidance to nurture and challenge;
Getting in touch with the real me,
And seeing myself reflected in her.

It’s OK To Be Me

I feel better when I like me
I will not be stigmatised or tainted
I am tough, resilient and strong
I deserve to be happy and supported
I will not be stigmatised or tainted

I feel better when I take control
My destiny is not predetermined
I work hard and forgive myself
Life can be managed and mastered
My destiny is not predetermined

I feel better when I realise I’m not a bad person
Life is worth living
I share my thoughts and people listen
There is no judgement or condemnation
Life is worth living

I feel better when I’m not alone
I am loved and worthy
My children chatter, my husband laughs
There is comfort and understanding
I am loved and worthy

I feel better when I like me
I will not be stigmatised or tainted
My destiny is not predetermined
Life is worth living
I am loved and worthy

I realise I love me